3/04/2013

Personal Development Course 1 - Responsibility for own life

Grow Sign - 1. Lesson - Take responsibility for own life
There are many things and principles which will make your life happier and more satisfying. If I'm to choose one I consider the most important it would definitely be taking responsibility of your own life. Without being consciously responsible for one's life there is always someone else who will take the care. 

Take responsibility for own life

What does it mean to be responsible for own life? Everyone has the freedom to think, act, behave and feel (yes, even feeling are under our control, see article about relation between needs and feelings) in whatever way they choose to. To be responsible for own life mean that you accept whatever you think, do or feel to be your personal decision. Every action has also its reaction and to be fully responsible for one's life mean that you  also accept these reactions as the results of your actions.

Either you take the responsibility or you wait - Personal Development

There are two main enemies of self-responsible living and it's blaming and criticizing. Whatever happens is the result of your personal actions; that is the main rule, but whenever you blame you give the power to someone else. 
Do you suggest that if someone comes and hits me that it's my own responsibility? Yes, absolutely. As far as you acknowledge everything as the result of your actions, thinking, feelings and behavior, you're in charge. If the results are not favorable you can change what you do, how you feel or what you think and get different result; whenever you accept someone's else behavior toward you as something not related to you, you give up this power and you become dependent on their will. 
If they cut you off the light do something - e.g. start to like darkness
Let's have a look at example from an office environment. If you get a tasks you don't like from your boss, you can shout, accuse him of stupidity, ignore the job but it won't make it done nor will it teach you anything about yourself. And you have plenty of possibilities once you take personal responsibility. You can negotiate with your boss, you can do the task and learn something, you can ask someone else to do it or you can ignore it and face consequences. If you become responsible for your own life you are in control. 
Marshall Rosenberg wrote in his non-violent communication that he absolutely hated driving his children to school. It took time, the children were loudly playing and quarreling all the time and he became upset always when he drove them. Then he did a little mind trick and changed the sentence 'I must drive my children to school' into 'I want to drive them to school.' This returned him the power - he was the one in charge of his own life again. Of course he did not stop to drive them there only he realized that he is doing it, because he values their good education above his short discomfort on the way to school. Once he realized that he even started to like these morning rides because he knew why he self-confidently decided to do it. 

Change must do to want to do it because ... find out why you do that and decide if you want to continue doing it

Whatever you are doing you have basically two choices if you don't enjoy it - You can change what you are doing or you can find something you like about that activity (like Marshall and his desire to have educated children). If you continue to do it just because they said you should do it, then you are not responsible and your life is being lived for you.

I recently realized that neither I'm living according to this principle. I was lazy at work and cynical about changes we tried to make justifying it that the company taught me to behave like that. I gave the responsibility for my actions to someone else - the company. I did not like my behavior, but couldn't do anything with it, because I was not responsible, the company was so I could only wait until it decides to change. The main point is that I did not like my situation; I want to spend my days doing something beneficial. It was enough for me to realize that I gave up the responsibility which allowed me to change and recover the power to course my own life again. I immediately started to be helpful and supporting to my colleagues once more. 

In conclusion:
To be responsible mean that you are aware of what you are doing, how you are feeling and what you are thinking about. You take personally everything that happens as the result of your own actions. When you don't like the result you change your behavior, feelings or thoughts in order to get the results you want. You never let your well-being depend on others, because in that moment you lose the power to form your own destiny.

And if you don't trust me, let's have a look how the same is explained by others:
Brain Johnson from entheos.com

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