4/24/2013

You never have just one option

Gwanwyn by Martina Hvojnikova - desire, noble idea, intuition, achievement
Recently we you can have read about compassionate communication (non-violent communication, NVC) a concept that behind all our feelings (transferred into our actions) is what we need or desire. We don't feel angry because someone came late but because we appreciate punctuality or we don't want to waste limited time. Recently I realized there is more to non-violent communication and that we has to understand our need in depth not to fall into another trap.
Key topics: Feelings, Needs, Focus-Attention, Intuition

Understand the need in depth

To truly understand NVC concept it is important to recognize the most underlying need. What do I mean by that? - Do not look at the closest at hand desire, do not limit your options just to one solution of the need!  Search for the principle which is missing in your life - see the list of basic human needs on NVC webpage.
Let's illustrate it on an example. You're angry about your boss for not increasing your salary. You realize that you're upset because you want higher income (your need) and your upset is materialized against your boss who seems to be preventing you from achieving your desire. Now it's important to focus on the need - higher income, wealth, security or freedom - so rather than to only limit yourself to single option how to achieve it which would be to persuade your boss to increase your salary. We can get improve our well-being by other means - better paid job, another job, sell stuff we don't use, start a business, write a book, quit our job and go to vacation and many other things which would come to mind when we stop focusing on our boss being obstructive.
I realized the other day that I too kept my options limited when I tried to achieve what I believed was an only viable option - I tried to improve the ranking of this webpage for few highly searched keywords when I learned that it's easier to attract visitors for the long tail (specific searches unique to each visitor). I even like the second option more because it involves more writing - which I love - and being more creative to provide answer for different people - to look at the issue from different perspectives which of itself uncover more options.
We underestimate it quite often. When we are in love we think that only the one person can satisfy our desires but once we get over a break up we often realize that there's another one who can make us even happier. If we put our attention to find love and intimacy many more options open then if we only focus on getting one person.

Focus on higher vibration

And that bring us to the concept of focusing on a more noble idea (in Whitecloud's The Last Shaman it's called higher vibration). When we see only the duality - having something vs. not having it, being healthy vs. being ill - both are the opposite side of the same. When we focus on one we simultaneously think about the other (at least unconsciously). One is just the lack of the other. To move beyond such a problem has an easy solution - focus on something above and beyond the concept.
Instead of wishing to spend an evening with Jessica you keep in mind having a lovely afternoon with someone sweet. You don't think about healing your broken ankle but about health and happiness in your life and life of everyone else - if you focus on 'health or ache' of the ankle your mind would still be driven to the current undesirable state. Extend your focus to the concept of health (let's assume connected with happiness) itself and you might find that the pain is related to conflict you didn't resolve yet (illnesses are often pointing out something) or that solution lies in the medicine used by your colleague to which you did not pay attention in the past.

Intuition 

So we really understand our need and we don't limit it's fulfillment to a single solution. We focus on satisfying the basic need (not a desired solution) and that help us to attract the ideal solution. It's called intuition. Where is our attention there the subconscious take us by giving us hints - we happen to think about an idea, we see something interesting in shop window, we get lost and arrive to just the ideal place. 
Recognize what our intuition tells and follow that guideline is the final ingredient to the recipe for not being angry about the situation and rather achieve the desired.



Exaples:
a feelinga need
I'm angry. How could you have kissed her?Respect, Romance, Security
I'm tired. You're so unreliable. It's not working again.Reliability, Take a rest
I'm sad that you did not notice.Attention

Change the word 'must' to 'want' and it will help you become aware of what is it that you need.
MustWant
I must go to work.I want to work, because I need money to secure my life standard.
I must wash the clothes.I want to wash the clothes so that I look beautiful.
I must exercise. I want be healthy and that is why I want to do some exercises.


Don't think just about the opposite of what is bothering you.
a feelinga simple neednoble idea of higher vibration
I hate waking up earlysleep latebe healthy, full of energy and refreshed
I'm nervous whether Jane will accept the invitedate a personbe in fulfilling relationship.
I'm afraid that our company is going to bankruptgetting more revenueyou yourself and your customers are happy and content

Artwork: martinah

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